 |
| Me, Liking Food (and the Vikings) |
 |
| Me, Surrounded by Treats |
 |
| Savoring Food with Family |
 |
| And I Smoke & Drink |
 |
| Confidence is Beautiful (Washburn Dancers) |
.JPG) |
| I Know Where Good Food Lives |
 |
| Celebrating Good Food & Drinks |
 |
| Know Your Value (It's Not Your Size) |
Before I can fully close the door on August 2013, I have
some weight to get off my chest. But I’m not here to talk about my body or the
number on the back of my underwear. Quite frankly, it’s none of your business. You
don’t know my challenges, limitations and issues. Instead, I’m going to stand
up for self-acceptance.
No pun intended, but the healthiest place I ever worked was
at a natural food co-op. What amazes me is that in the near 12 years that I
worked there (and I still write and edit for the business), no one ever
whispered to me that I “should lose weight.” Diversity was cultivated; choices
were honored. People got to know each other, their stories, passions and
favorite foods.
Most of my co-workers had a healthy body dialog, meaning
that we could converse about food on many levels without judgment. One fellow
manager talked about eating green bananas, while another talked about the low
glycemic properties of bananas and yet another advised eating bananas for
countering leg cramps. Our deli made the world’s best banana cake.
Some people brought in pizzas and others asked questions,
like “What’s good about chia seeds?” Some staff made changes and had dramatic
results by committing to lifestyles, such as going gluten-free or only eating
raw foods. One deli worker told me that she eliminated all sweets unless she
committed to baking them herself. Vegetarians and omnivores sat down at the
table together.
Food is complex, especially why we eat what we eat. We are
influenced by culture, family, media, religion, friends and impulses we may not
fully comprehend. Mixed messages confuse more than educate. Moralizing about
food is shaming; ask anybody who is recovering from an eating disorder or a
body-obsession.
My recovery was to embrace “good food.” I grew up fearing
food and how it like to stick with me, yet feeling shamed by my ability to
smell, taste and eat. I breast-fed each of my children to give them the
healthiest start I could. It meant I had to eat healthy food. Then I made sure
they had variety and access to whole foods. That meant cooking and baking,
which I got really good at. Even when I felt so, I never used the f-word to
describe my body. I didn’t want my children to grow up hearing that despicable word.
By the time I got to the co-op, my mind was open to learn
about organic and natural. But I was also ready to embrace the pleasure of
sharing food with others through recipes and restaurant reviews, through farm
tours and gardening, through fixing new combinations to lure my kids to the
table. My writing career took off as a regular food columnist and regional food
writer. Thanksgivings became magnificent feasts. I felt free with food, but
still trapped by what others might think of my body.
Then the worst thing that anyone has ever said to me came in
August. Sitting down as a guest at a dinner table, I was informed of a “cure”
for my body. I was told to “sew my lips shut.” It was an uninvited conversation.
I did not start talking about my body; my hosts did. And once the topic was
raised, my host assumed I had excuses, which I do not. As he started listing
off what he must consider excuses (thyroid, hormones) I simply gave no excuse;
I said, “I like to eat.” He then included slurs against Holocaust survivors to
drive home the point that starvation overcomes excuses.
Yet, there are positives to take away. He’s a bully and I’m an
adult who doesn’t have to hang around for hostile “jokes” at the dinner table.
By hearing the worst thing I can think of in regards to my weight, is freeing.
The worst has been said. Rejection aside, I have my faith intact. Psalm 27:10
is particularly comforting: “For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but
the Lord will take me in.” Shock aside, I know who I am. I may be a woman of
size, but I know my value.
To anyone else contending with weighty issues (because we do
live in an openly hostile culture and social media has become a platform for misogyny),
I’d like to share the following posts and articles. Bullying is not excusable
no matter what age. Bullies are not born, but tend to be people without their
own life-affirming dreams, empathy or self-acceptance. Don’t let them rob you
of your own self-acceptance. And remember, in the light of love we are all
beautiful, so focus on that light, spread that light and learn to love your
body right here, right now.
Finally read this! I can understand the impetus for writing after learning of the bully at the dinner table incident in August.
ReplyDeleteClear, well-organized, direct. Thanks, Charli!
Thanks for reading and commenting, Susan! It was one of those experiences that I wanted to just shake off and move on, but it required my voice, first. Hope you got to read or view the links, too. I'm heartened to see other writers or media women speaking up, as well. You know that FB group--Birth Without Fear? Well, there needs to be Living as a Woman Without Fear group too!
Delete